Too Many Thoughts Filling Up Limited Spaces

My head is far too crowded right now

I feel like i am about to burst at the seams

Thoughts about how nothing has actually changed for me

I am still fat miserable and lonely

I have no love life

my friends are all leaving me behind

and the people who i allowed into my life have begun to show their true colors

i guess nothing is gonna change

i havent started grad school

i havent gotten a job anywhere near my career path

my family life hasnt gotten better it has actually gotten worst

i am now down to just 2 grand parents

i barely talk to hear from or see my fathers side of the family

i dont really care to be bothered with the few people in my moms side of the family thats around

i dont know

i feel like i am slowly becoming ok with this little box i have been forced to live in

it all sucks

christmas is right around the corner and i wont be expecting anything special from my special someone

new years is coming around and i wont have anyone to kiss at midnight

while all the people i will be with will be kissing their other

i always feel like that extra person my friends take out because they feel bad for me

my mom is still without a job and her unemployment has run out

my brother is still without a job and he has a child to take care of

my father need to be committed to a mental institution

and me

well i need plastic surgery a miracle and a whole new life

one filled with happiness and not sorrow

one where my twitter status isnt “Bring on the season of sadness and regret”

like i should be going into the new year feeling revived and rejoiced

not disheartened and depressed

i cant take it anymore i give up

sometimes

i feel like it would be better if i just ended things

but what good would that do when i am the one who is being the base for everyone else in my life

i am a foundation that is starting to crumble and i dont know how much longer i can do it

theres a line in Pink’s new song “Fuckin Perfect”

It goes “ Change the voices in your head to like you instead”

i have tried and tried and tried

and the  voices in my head hate me more and more

i guess i gotta stick to my old mantra

maybe someday things will turn around

maybe someday things will get better

maybe someday happiness will find me

maybe someday love will be mine

until then i have to be strong

i have to be patient

and i cant be scared

 

 

I JUST WANNA GIVE UP. I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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