Its been a while as always

Sitting in my house as always by myself and i dont know how i feel right now.. Got a late gift today it was some Irish Cream and it was delicious. Very happy that i am loosing weight very sad that i have no one to truly appreciate the fact that i am loosing weight. If the other teacher in my class room gets in a relationship with this guy she meet in AC i am officially screwed out of being happy. Mostly because i am so tired of being alone but when will that ever change never. I am so pitiful.  Why doesnt a guy want me for me and only wants me for sex. I dont like being alone. i hate being alone sooo much. I want to be fucking happy thats all i want. I want someone to love me and not just want to satisfy a fetish. I wanna have  a life thats fulfilling not just passing me by. I wanna go to grad school and advance my career. I am so tired of my dead end job. so happy with the friends i have made but so miserable with what i have to deal with day in and day out week in and week out. I think i am gonna go back to drinking every night so i dont have to feel my sadness and hurt anymore. The pain is slowly becoming unbearable. pretty sure this isnt slowly … its very fast and quite continous. I quit as always I am done caring about being alone and about being fat and about being sad and about not having my masters about not working at a job that makes me happy. i cant take it anymore i am threw

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