…. that is what i will call my absence. Well actually i would call it not wanting to cry myself to sleep. But no really you know those times where you need to write but you know that the end result will be a wet pillow from crying yourself to sleep thats where my head has been lately. To over filled with thoughts that need to escape but also to afraid to let them start to flow because then you start to cry. Work has been a hot mess and a half recently. I know i didnt go to school to be a teacher but after being a preschool teacher for the last year i thought i was doing ok, i thought i was surviving, but apparently not. For the first time in a year i had to walk away from my class(left them with another teacher) and found a room where i was off camera but in a safe room and i just cried. i felt so defeated. yes the things happening at work were what put me over the edge and brought me to tears but they werent the only things to lead to the tears. this year over all has been a painful and frustrating one. death misery depression loneliness are all major culprits in the crying fit i had. guilt and jealousy have also reared their ugly heads too. yes it is only march and yet i see no hope for happiness before 2012 starts it year. i need sleep so that is all for now. i will try to get back later if i can.