Stressed

It has happened again. I have hit a new low in my life of nothing but lows. I feel like i was used for the umptenith time in my life. I was used by one friend to get to another friend and the friend that used me didnt even think twice. first time i was used by chris to get to mj. then i was kinda used by kelly to get to steve. and the latest addition to this is andrew using me to get to shaitra. i dont like being used by my friends to get to my other friends. I wish i could find my happy inside of me. Like i hate it at the same time that i am saying to shaitra that is ok. Like she needs something good in her life but when do i stop trying to help everyone else for being happy and start trying to make myself happy. everytime i get a little glimpse of happy it disappears or it for someone else and i am just standing in their way. it hurts so fucking much.  why is it always me that gets left out.. i dont get including in happy. I am soo tired of being alone but i guess i have to be ok with it because i will always be alone. the guys that want me i dont want them and the guys that i want are completely out of my reach and my league. i guess its my fault for being a fat disgusting mess. i quit i cant take this anymore 😦

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