As I spent this lovely day inside my depression aka that sinking feeling started to settle in again. Right now its not because of the lack of work but because of the lack of love or anything resembling someone being interested in me. I as always am surrounded by people my mother including who have someone they can cuddle up in a bed with.so of course thats whats making me feel the way i do i wish it wouldnt be as i approach my 25th birthday and realize that i have yet to have been in a real relationship or anything close to it. I remind myself that the intimacy that i have found in the 2 sexual partners i have had has not been enough. I always want something more that neither one of them was able to give me… the one gave me the comfort of taking my virginity no questions asked.. the second brought more of a wanting to stay the night but our timing was never right but due to my superficiality there was never a chance for a relationship with him but now that i have a steady schedule i have been trying to get him to come over and stay and it seems that is no longer an option for me. And as i realize that this is starting to slip away from me i am beginning to yearn for more something more sustainable to call my own. to keep me warm at night and to keep my mind from running crazy schemes that may end with me hurting very badly in the end.