“just back ups”

So as I drove home tonight about ten different things were thought about in my head. The usual about me feeling sad and depressed and lonely and fat and ugly, but the one that stood out the most was what i was conversing with my friend as i illegally texted and drove. 

The conversation i was having was about how she was so frustrated with her current situation that she almost thought about texting two guys who have done her wrong. Conversation as follows:

friend: last night I was so agitated and restless and frustrated… good thing i had my son… otherwise i might’ve gotten into trouble LOL

me: Hahaha what would you have done?

friend: the raging bitch mood I was in? I almost texted A or J, I was fed up with my love life. Just one of those nights. He didnt do anything wrong. with new job we just barely get to talk. Things will settle down

me: Yea… I dont understand why you still have their numbers

friend: J texts me like every other weekend. I know I should. Just a backup I guess

me: you shouldnt keep guys who have hurt you in someway as a back up. That kinda makes it seem like all the shit they put you through was ok

friend: I know. And I’ve never used them. Even before i was in a relationship never went back to j

me: but even still to keep around the temptation is only hurting you

friend: I know… and I know what I want

me: ok just saying

friend: sigh I have no patience left

me:well either find more or stop just keep bitching


I dont feel like i was being a bad friend but I do feel so tired of hearing the same bitching and I also feel like i was right that to keep around people who have done you wrong and hurt you is only giving them the ok sign to keep hurting you.whatever i dont have much more to say. I just feel like she was being stupid and had to just get it out of my head.



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