And Here I Go Again

It’s that time of year again where all I do is look at my life and see nothing but sadness. I see how lonely I am. How bitter I am becoming and how unlikable I am. While I am experiencing all of these repeated feelings I still see that there may be hope for me some where in the world, That there maybe someone who can turn me into the warmhearted person, I know I can be. I hate people who become involved with work relationships because they are volatile to the work environment. For me and my ever changing politics on what I should be dating and who I should be with I see myself approaching an em-pass. I may not exactly know what is going on inside the head of the others involved but from what I am seeing myself, I do believe that always I am fighting a loosing battle. As always I am sitting back comparing myself to those around me. Believing that I should be striving for what they have when I know that what I am looking for is nothing like that. I don’t want to be controlled or be controlling and I don’t understand why they think its OK. Hold on let’s get back to the topic at hand which is my own life. I currently feel like I am being sandwiched between two male coworkers and why this may all be in my head I still feel it. I am all one for being involved in awkward situations but at the same time I would prefer if someone would step up and just take the pitch already. I can’t be more obvious in the fact that I am open to it either way but to be a sitting duck just waiting and hoping is not at all comfortable and sometimes it just makes me feel even more depressed about my life. It always seems that I sit for so long in the friend zone because no move has been made that it becomes where I end up staying and it’s not fair. My Horoscope and Tarot Card readings all the say the same “Just wait and it will come” seems to be a repeated phrase. It;s coming, it;s coming, it’s coming is all I keep seeming to hear, read and be told to believe, but how long am I suppose to wait. My patience can only go so far and be stretched so thin before it snaps. I am not sure how much longer I will be waiting but I know that before this all ends my liver is going to begin to hate me and who knows how big the box that I store the feelings that I don’t like feel is going to become.


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