In The Yard

When I see you something new seems to happen

I seem to loose my feet and float away from this world

Become unattached without a single care

But then all of a sudden something reminds me

Reminds that I don’t belong to you

Just as you don’t belong to me

But when you are around

Things seem to change

I have always been free but this is different

This is me seeking a freedom where we are connected

Where you are mine as I am yours

Nothing else can matter except for us

As light needs dark and dark needs light

I need you to be more present in my life

The feelings I have are hard to describe

Often times I feel like a lost child

Wandering

Wondering

Waiting

For someone

Anyone

Preferably you to find me

Save me

Set me free from my fears

Fears of hurt, sadness, pain

Fears that someday you will do the same

But for now I guess

I will just have to use this pole as my tether

As I watch you secretly

Hoping that someday we can be together

I will just keep my distance and dream

As I hope you are watching me

As I am watching you

In the yard.

 

 

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Lazy Day Snow Day

Lazy day

Snow day

Oh the fun

Stuck inside the house

with no where to run

staying safe and staying warm

Staying home

what a joy

Oh how i love the winter weather

When this is only the first

Lazy Day

Snow Day

to come

Someone Here

As the weather gets colder

and the dark nights come sooner

I long for someone

Someone to be here

when the dark and cold night comes near

Someone to warm me right

to keep me safe and protected at night

Someone here to whisper

that they love me

Someone to hold me and acknowledge

that I am theirs

and that they are mine

The snow is falling silently

as we quietly gaze into each others eyes

I know it can be real

someday it will be true

and some day

Someone will be here

Someone here

that is mine

Emptying the Filled Cup

Letting it all go

slowly and quietly into the nothingness of the world

Allowing drop after drop

to fall into the drain

Repeatedly remembering the cause

of such great sorrow

There is no pain

Only numbness and disgrace

Only tears

Wishing instead that is would just run over

Instead of having to be poured out

from within

No other land

is like this space

Never again can it be filled

Once its gone

It is gone

Down into the sewer

Where the street rats live

Feeding them

Fueling them

Giving them flames for their fire

Stop pouring

Wait

Dont let anymore go

Keep it

Keep it

Cause its mighty low

Save it

Save it

Cause there is no overflow left

and

the

cup

is

filled

of

nothing

from

now

on

.

Insomnia wins again…. actually chugging a barqs root beer has caused this

Ok so being the fat ass that i am i chugged a root beer which was caffeinated and now i am probably going to be up for a whole lot longer than i would have liked being that i have to be up at 730 for work. But anyway i want to try not to do my usual ranting and raving, maybe i will just write some poetry(which in retrospect is just my ranting in a more controlled form). Found a new band that i liked last night at a show. They are called New Madrid they are a bilingual rock band straight out of Brooklyn like my loves Outernational. So Brooklyn has brought me some good music this summer. I miss Outernational. I miss the guys in the band, seeing them live and just all in all enjoy myself because of them. They are an awesome group of guys. I can only listen to their ep and watch YouTube videos so many times ya know. well any way back to New Madrid the lead singer whose name is axel which i learned through face book is a gorgeous south American man. he plays the drums and sings. hold let me rephrase that he rapes the drums upfront and center and his singing is orgasmic live. i kind of felt like he was staring at me while they were performing and that is something i liked about the performance he pulled you not only with his performance but with his facial expressions and just his eyes alone(he wore eyeliner) can we say HAWT!!!! Back to Outernational i have decided that since chrissy wants to fuck Leo which she is more than welcomed to doing my goal is to fuck miles or Jesse preferably Jesse cause he is much hotter than miles but i have had good conversation with miles where as i have never talked to Jesse in my life. we kind of always look at each other and say hi and that be all like he is older than me and you know me i do not believe that chivalry is dead and i would rather be approached than be the approacher. I am quite old fashion that way. I guess  that explains why i am still single or actually that might have to do with my being fat…. but hey we aren’t going to beat a dead horse now are we. if we go any deeper into that i would probably ended up crying myself to sleep. ok well enough about me how about i try some poetry lol cause you know i still ended up ranting.

If love came easy

would it come for me

Would it be there whenever

i needed it and always be willing to set me free

Would love have a name or a face

or would it just be something empty

would it have an open heart

or a closed fist

would love be like winning a battle

or is it possible that love is the battle

would i want to stay and fight

well if i am asking that question

i guess love wont ever come easy

At least not for me

actually that earlier rant got me a little tired i guess getting things off my mind even though they arent the things i really want to get off my mind made it a little easier for me to fall asleep. That poem is a keeper i am gonna try to sleep now hopefully i dont fail.

 

Friendship Note

It must be great being you

Since you can do nothing wrong

Apparently everyone must worship

the ground you walk upon

If someone just looks at you

in a different way

They obviously have an

attitude with you

But if someone doesn’t do

as you say and automatically

agree with you than they hate you

or you hate them

Why does it always have to be

your way or the high way

I hope you realize you

embody everything you hate

You act like all those girls

you make fun of

You’re as broken as everyone else

Yet you fake it until you

make it and that’s enough for you

But what about those around you

What do they truly mean to you

Are they your friends or are they your

minions

What is it that makes you think

they should stay loyal to you

Especially when you treat them so cruel

I don’t know but here’s what I’ll do

I am sorry but I can’t do this

anymore and we are through

This was actually written last summer about the same person in the previous posting. As I reflected on that last posting i thought about why i felt like i wrote about how i felt about that friend before in regards to everyone else’s feelings. Like for some strange reason i cant pull myself away from this friendship and its starting to worry me. I dont feel like i know  what i should do.

 

I Guess

I Guess

Love will never find me

I Guess

It’s always gonna turn away

and hide from me

I Guess

I will never have

real friends

I Guess

Things will never be

Great for me

I Guess

Everything will just

be ok

I Guess

I can only be happy

When I am lost in my books

I Guess

but even there I am

not the main character of

my dreamt up reality

I Guess

Nothing will ever be

truly meant for me