First Fail

So I posted my recipe for my smoothie that I was going to have today last night. It seemed fine as I prepped it and smelled the wonderful mix of smells as I cut everything up, but in the end I had my first smoothie creation FAIL. I learned that even though I enjoy celery with a good plate of buffalo wings or in a delicious macaroni or mixed in to my fantastic chicken salad, it does not, let me repeat, it does not go good in a smoothie. Even when I recreated the recipe by reducing the amount of celery it still did not help and I just had to suck it down and accept it as my first smoothie fail. This is my first time in my adult life making my own smoothies containing vegetables and therefore I believe I may experience more fails but I can’t allow them to cause me to falter from achieving my goal and sticking to my plan. Well until tomorrow, no prep for me tonight work wore me out.

I Love my Curves, but LOVE my HEALTH more!


In The Yard

When I see you something new seems to happen

I seem to loose my feet and float away from this world

Become unattached without a single care

But then all of a sudden something reminds me

Reminds that I don’t belong to you

Just as you don’t belong to me

But when you are around

Things seem to change

I have always been free but this is different

This is me seeking a freedom where we are connected

Where you are mine as I am yours

Nothing else can matter except for us

As light needs dark and dark needs light

I need you to be more present in my life

The feelings I have are hard to describe

Often times I feel like a lost child




For someone


Preferably you to find me

Save me

Set me free from my fears

Fears of hurt, sadness, pain

Fears that someday you will do the same

But for now I guess

I will just have to use this pole as my tether

As I watch you secretly

Hoping that someday we can be together

I will just keep my distance and dream

As I hope you are watching me

As I am watching you

In the yard.




So as I prep for tomorrow I decided to Double up and see what happens when I have a smoothie for Breakfast and as a part to a small lunch such as half of a wheat pita stuffed with a spinach salad.

Tuesdays Smoothie:

5 Slices of Cucumber

1/2 of Anjou Pear

10 Blueberries

1/2 leaf of Kale

1/2 stalk of celery

1/2 of an orange


I made two ready blend cups. I will probably add ice right before I blend them or after the initial  blend and also I will add some ginger water. I need to shed some poundage before we start our contest at work so I don’t feel extra fat compared to everyone else. I already know I am the heaviest but I can do this. I should also make note that I am restarting a tea regiment of a glass of hot tea every night before bed. Also that I will continue my infused waters. I was thinking of mixing up my usual lemon and cucumber by doing a grapefruit water and possibly a ginger water  . Eventually doing some sort of mixture of those four to keep my body up on it. And no I am not just changing my eating habit and think that is going to be how I loose my weight I have a workout regiment I will do and I will also continue my Tibetan Yoga techniques that were discontinued during my reminder that I am not with child. 


I love my CURVES but  LOVE my HEALTH more!!!

So it Has Begun

So I have started my journey to a ” Brand New Me” and I must say I am doing well.

I had a smoothie in place of a meal (lunch) yesterday and one today (dinner).

I think I can handle this and my obnoxious downstairs neighbors hate the sound of my blender lol.

So I figured I would keep account of the smoothies that I make so here are the first two recipes created by Me.


1 Whole Banana

4 Frozen Strawberries

8 Frozen Blueberries

2 Leaves of Kale

5 Leaves of Spinach

1/4 cup of Milk


1 Sprig of Parsley

2 Fresh Strawberries

5 Blueberries

5 Leaves of Spinach

1/2 Banana

1/4 cup of water

1 Anjou Pear


5 Ice Cubes

I Love My CURVES, but Love my HEALTH more!

Healthier Me

So lately I have restarted my battle with my weight. Why? well there is multiple reasons:

  • Summer is coming
  • New attractive male co-worker
  • Others who are making great progress
  • Depression- as in I am over it
  • Tired of being alone

Alot of these reasons are vain and superficial I know but they are reasons that are helpful for me to get my lazy behind back in the shape i use to be. Where taking a flight of stairs didn’t wind me. I know how to be healthy and I know the things to do to take care of myself properly but it  gets hard due to financial restraints.


At work we are going to be doing a Biggest Loser competition. I have no plans to win it but I am going to do it just because it’s easier to loose weight when you do it with others. There was an argument about doing it by percentages instead of pounds because that isn’t fair to everyone, but I think either way it is going to be unfair but it’s whatever I just want to start to feel happy again. Which lately I feel very rarely.

So step one to making this happen is I am going to start a Smoothie a day regiment. Then slowly wain my body off of meats and poultry and fish and starches. Replacing these things with more raw fruits and vegetables. Leading up to first doing an all fruit and vegetable  fast then doing just an all juice fast (if I ever purchase a Juicer) or even if I do it as a smoothie fast I know I can do it. I know the supplements that will be needed if not I have access to the books that will inform me of what I need.I can do this and I wont put the weight back on this time.

I LOVE my curves, but I LOVE my HEALTH even more.


So HBO has this fabulous show called GIRLS it is in its second season and it was created by the very talented Lena Dunham. The latest episode to come out of  her wonderful min was an episode completely focused on one of the GIRLS her own character Hannah Horvath. In this episode so amply named “One Man’s Trash” Hannah falls for Dr. Josh/Joshua played by the Patrick Wilson, whose trash cans she has been using to throw out trash from the coffee shop because she lost her dumpster key.  She proceeds to have what could have turned in to a quick sexual romp after apologizing for using his trash cans turns into a weekend of sex and playing house. After fainting in the steam room/shower of the doctors’ Hannah comes to an epiphany about how maybe she just wants to be happy like everyone else, cause who in the world doesn’t want to be happy.   She feels as if everything she had been doing thus far in her 24 years wasn’t completely fulfilling, but when Joshua doesn’t show the sentiment she needs she comes to the other realization that maybe she isn’t ready for that life. Joshua is a 42 yr. old doctor separated from his wife (going through a divorce, those words were never really spoken) and he seems to have it together which is what every girl wants. Apparently though Hannah wasn’t fully ready for that and while he is away at work she brings in the paper, reads it while having breakfast on the terrace. Then she takes one final walk through the Brownstone makes her bed and just before she leaves she takes out the trash and places it in the trash bin as she walks down the street, which is what started this all. Hannah was awed by the idea of being a well off adult which is what caused the whole continued use of the trash cans.

A lot of people, fans and critics alike have given Lena a lot of slack for this episode for multiple reasons such as:

  • The lack of the rest of the GIRLS(this episode should have been called GIRL)
  • The depth of the episode that many just didn’t understand
  • Peoples dislike for the character of Hannah
  • The fact that Lena is not afraid to show her breasts repeatedly on the show
  • The way Hannah dresses (I have to admit there have been some WTF moments when it comes to her outfits but people dress like that)
  • Trying to be too artistic
  • Lost its edginess
  • Becoming to serious
  • Unrealistic
  • Hannah is beginning to look like a whore
  • yadda yadda yadda…..

I feel as though this is completely possible. That there is some girl in NYC who this has happened to or maybe there is  a  Nancy Nobody in Lame Town USA and she has also experienced something like this. If you were to try to look at this from a different point of view which some fans have and that is Joshua was a recently separated man and he needed it more than Hannah. He is 42 yrs old and Hannah is 24 and as it was stated they are basically the same just reversed. Maybe he missed having a woman with him and to have this 24 yr old awkward girl who became fascinated with the life that could possibly be going on behind the nice exterior of the Brownstone and got a kick out of using his trash cans daily intrigued him. Its possible. He decided that he wanted her to stay when Hannah just wanted sex and to leave when she felt it was the right time. He pleasured her and made her feel beautiful when she didn’t feel that way and has never felt that way. He called out of work and demanded that she do the same and spend the day with him. This episode could have happened with any of the girls but it just so happened to be Hannah.

Yes this episode was completely out of character for Hannah but all the GIRLS are out of there boxes this season and doing things you wouldn’t think was possible for them. Marnie sleeping with Boothe Jonathan, Shoshana and Ray, well Jessa’s out of character relationship is over for now but still everyone of them had/are having their out of box relationship but everyone is finding such a problem with Hannahs.

I take this episode a little more to heart and see the depth and feel it. I often find myself comparing my life to Hannah’s and her thoughts, and after the fainting when she just comes to a realization about want to be happy and how she just wants what everyone else wants. I have had that rant before it may not have been in bed with a hot 42 yr old doctor but I have had it. Any girl who lives their life in the moment or are ok with just constantly wearing their hearts on the sleeves and getting nothing in return have had that rant time and time again. Girls like us are genuinely ok with being seen as the Debbie Downer since we often are the ones to see the realistic side of a situation no matter how negative. We live our lives by just being ok with other everything. Being mediocre is what is acceptable but not what we actually want. I personally thought that just getting my B.A. would be enough but there is that part of me that knows that if I get my masters than I am an adult. I will have an actual career. I will live on a salary and not paycheck to paycheck. These things seem like a fun idea:

  • To be with someone who thinks I am beautiful and isn’t afraid to tell me.
  • Someone who wants to play half naked ping pong and let me win.
  • To have someone stroke my hair after I faint.
  • To sit on the terrace and eat fruit and watch him read the paper.

I just as Hannah fantasized about that life. She experienced it and realized she just wasn’t there yet. She wasn’t ready to be a full functioning adult just yet.

To all of those fans/critics who said this episode wasn’t realistic and that it was implausible, I think you may just be unable to see outside of your box. Or that you are happy and don’t want or have a need for more that what you already have.  It may also just be possible that you don’t understand.  You don’t understand what it is like:

  • To be that awkward girl
  • To be the shoulder constantly cried on
  • To be the one always referred to as the bad friend even though you really are not
  • To be the weird one
  • To be the one with body issues but still show your body off (screw societies standards on beauty)

Any one can be a Marnie (the egotistical one), Shoshanna (the narcissist)  or Jessa (the free spirit), but you can’t just be Hannah (the Complicated One) unless you truly understand all sides of her. She embodies  everything that women find negative within themselves but then she also embodies everything that makes her relate-able  to her friends.

I will stand by this show no matter what everyone else says because I am living this life that is displayed on the show in my own way. I am living in an apartment I can’t afford on my own. I have a group of friends with an awkward dynamic. Watching this show is like getting lost in a good book because the writing is relate-able and realistic and sucks you. And if you feel like it is no longer sucking you in just move on. No need to bash the show or say that the writing is horrible or tear down characters you don’t like. Everyone of the characters will get their own shine. Don’t say the lead writer is playing favorites because she based a whole episode on her character.

Either see what next week has on store or move on that’s it.